Caring in Times of Precarity by Chow Yiu Fai

Author:Chow Yiu Fai
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9783319768984
Publisher: Springer International Publishing

The Good Life

Again, it may be some form of bias, inherent to this research project, that the single women who are willing to be interviewed may very well be those who feel rather comfortable with their lives as a single person. That said, under pressure to get married, while trying in their own ways to look for love, they report positive experiences of freedom and autonomy when they relate their lifestyles and social support. This recognition of what they are doing does not mean that they do not feel bad sometimes. Amidst the talk about their autonomy and freedom, some of the single women would make statements like Miss P: “Single life is freedom. But if you ask me if I am lonely? Well, sometimes.” Regarding their various degrees of loneliness, Vera confides in me about a distressing period of her life. When I ask her about loneliness, Vera says: “I had depression. Can you believe it? It was not very serious, it was a light form. I thought of committing suicide.” That was in 2005, when Vera had just started her university life in Shanghai. “I felt hopeless, and lonely. I was thinking, when I get up the next day, I need to pay the rent, I need to pay the utilities, I need to eat. However bad I felt, I still had to do so many things, to earn money. During the evenings, I felt lonely.”

Michelle, who is living with her parents and has a good relationship with them, admits to thinking increasingly about the prospect of them passing away. “I am not afraid of being on my own, I am afraid of being lonely.” This, she says, worries her more than her work now. “I think far ahead. Like, if I stay single for the rest of my life, who is going to take care of my funeral?” The feelings shared by Miss P, Vera, Michelle and their counterparts are, of course, real affects in their own right. However, at the same time, they are also reiterations of a certain representation of single womanhood, loneliness, and a desirable life: the “old maid who died alone” image.37 Despite the worries, Michelle would not allow herself to rush into marriage. Referring to her interest in pop music, Michelle draws a comparison: “If I am now offered two options, one is to go to a concert on my own, and the other is to get married right away, I would certainly opt for the former.” So, how does she deal with these worries? “For the time being, I try to make my life rich … I fill it with work, and my interests. And I try to convince myself: it’s ok, don’t be afraid.” This, for want of a better term—avoidance tactic—is employed by many single women in dealing with their experiences and imaginings of loneliness. Vera calls it her “Ah Q mentality.” The protagonist of a well-known satirical novella, The True Story of Ah Q, penned by Lu Xun

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